P G Wodehouse Quotes

Pelham Grenville Wodehouse (1881-1975)

P. G. Wodehouse was an English author and one of the most widely read humorists of the 20th century. Born in Guildford, the third son of a British magistrate based in Hong Kong. (P G Wodehouse Quotes)

“A man’s subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery of a miserable hour.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“And she’s got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“Everything in life that’s any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fattening.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“He felt like a man who, chasing rainbows, has had one of them suddenly turn and bite him in the leg.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“I am not always good and noble. I am the hero of this story, but I have my off moments.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“I can detach myself from the world. If there is a better world to detach oneself from than the one functioning at the moment I have yet to hear of it.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don’t remember what I did before that. Just loafed, I suppose.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“If there is one thing I dislike, it is the man who tries to air his grievances when I wish to air mine.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“I’m not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare who says that it’s always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“Into the face of the young man who sat on the terrace of the Hotel Magnifique at Cannes there had crept a look of furtive shame, the shifty hangdog look which announces that an Englishman is about to speak French.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“It is no use telling me there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof. ”
P. G. Wodehouse

“It is true of course, that I have a will of iron, but it can be switched off if the circumstances seem to demand it.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“Love is a delicate plant that needs constant tending and nurturing, and this cannot be done by snorting at the adored object like a gas explosion and calling her friends lice.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.”
P. G. Wodehouse

“She fitted into my biggest arm-chair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing arm-chairs tight about the hips that season”
P. G. Wodehouse

“She looked away. Her attitude seemed to suggest that she had finished with him, and would be obliged if somebody would come and sweep him up.”
P. G. Wodehouse